things chicks should know about me
		Q. Why is sex like playing euchre? A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand. the following is a list, in the order that they occured to me, of some maxims / ideologies / tenets that i more or less live by, and that might help you learn what kind of person i am without ever really having to meet me. and if you're a girl thinking about asking me on a date, pay particular attention- it could save your life. believe you me- if i had had this list while in high school and college, i probably wouldn't have gone out with any of the girls i did go out with. but for the rest of you, you can either agree or disagree with the following stuff, i really don't care. all of these are the result of thought and experimentation, and i'm serious about all of them, for better or worse, until death do us part. i do not like being the center of attention. explanation don't make me guess. explanation if you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. explanation learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. and when you're done, put the lid down. explanation sometimes, i'm not thinking about you. explanation shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. explanation anything you wear is fine. really. explanation you have enough clothes. explanation you probably have too many shoes. explanation ask for what you want. subtle hints don't work. explanation i respect nothing, everything is sacred. explanation i respect everything, nothing is sacred. explanation no, i don't know what day it is. i probably never will. mark anniversaries on a calendar if you like them. i do not regard single days as any more special than the ones that surround it. explanation yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers. explanation check your oil. you probably know as much about it as i do. explanation don't give me fifty rules when twenty will do. explanation don't fake it. i'd rather be ineffective than deceived. explanation it is in neither your interest nor mine to take the quiz together. even reading the magazine is debatable. explanation my memory is terrible. it's not that i'm lying or not listing to you, i really just don't remember. explanation you don't need to look like the victoria's secret girls, and don't expect me to act like soap opera/melrose place guys. explanation you can either ask me to do something -or- tell me how you want it done. not both. explanation women wearing wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. explanation when i'm turning the wheel and the car is entering onto the off-ramp, you saying, "this is our exit," is strictly not necessary. explanation if i'm reading, i probably want to be reading. explanation photographs are unnecessary. explanation the truth is more important than egos. explanation if you're giving me directions while i'm driving, just remember that i cannot turn on your impulse. saying "turn right here" when i'm in the left lane ten feet from the intersection will just not do. explanation sometimes, i'd just rather sleep on the couch. explanation every new day does not require a shower. explanation laundry is never "clean" or "dirty." it is a spectrum, in which "clean enough" is viably wearable. explanation the universe is not subjective. explanation i can eat cheez-its as easily as chicken parmigon. everyday. explanation i can't stand small talk. explanation i will be uncomfortable around people i don't know, and nothing you can say will make that go away. explanation i don't like stuff. explanation i don't kill insects. explanation i don't believe in god. explanation i don't like the idea of owning pets. just because the caged bird sings does not justify its being caged. explanation please don't ask me to do something because you think it is a novelty that i know how to do it, or because it is something you don't want to learn. explanation don't walk into the room and ask me what i'm doing. it's probably pretty evident if you just look. explanation i am patient and irritable. explanation so what if i've only got two plates, four cups, two knives, one spoon and two forks. i live alone and only have one mouth. explanation i do not believe in the sovereignty of humanity. explanation i don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs. this is my decision. make your own. explanation i don't like in favorites, so don't ask me what my favorite anything is. meaningful preferences are okay, but arbitrary hierarchies bother me. explanation i drive as fast as conditions allow. explanation one of the phrases i live by is "love may fail, but courtesy prevails." explanation another is "people suck." explanation i walk slow, because usually i'm not in a hurry to get anywhere. explanation i would rather listen than talk, because i learn more that way. i already know everything i could say. explanation life is pointless. most of what i do is purely for entertainment purposes. explanation i don't like to dance or sing in public places; please don't try to convince me otherwise. explanation i see a difference between morals and ethics; morals are dangerous and should be avoided, and ethics are like medicine, to be taken only when necessary. explanation dumb jokes entertain me. explanation i think insanity is not a plea for help, but is a display of independence. explanation dramatic bluntness bugs me. please be original or thorough, not flashy. explanation my wardrobe was selected on function, not fashion. explanation i try not to impose what i think things should be over top of what they are. explanation [ home | back to about me ] [ my view on things | stupid stories | kafka tribute | fun things to do | links galore ]
i made this