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- i do not like being the center of attention.
reason:
this is probably the single most pervasive item on this list, as it governs almost everything i do, and the way i do it. much of my life can probably be attributed to some inferiority complex of some sort, but i just think i am uncomfortable being spotlighted, having to perform, etc. it's kind of too involved to explain here, so just keep it in mind, and read the rest of these in reference to it.
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- don't make me guess.
reason:
this one is pretty self-explanitory. it really irritates me when someone wants you to do something, or to know something, but, for whatever reason, they don't do this. it seems to particularly happen with couples, who, not wanting to upset the other person, will not only not assert their own will, but will not even express their own opinion. this is bad. if you want something, or prefer something else to what i naturally would do, tell me. otherwise, i probably won't know. i can learn from observation, but someone being coy pisses me off. also, i have found that a lot of girls try to make guys guess at things because they think it gives them some sort of power over males. with me, though, making me guess won't give you power, it'll only give you something you probably don't want. plus, it'll probably annoy me, which will make me want to deal with you less, so i'llprobably just start staying away from you- especially if you condone and perpetuate silly little moronic mind games. if you're not intelligent enough to act like a responsible mature individual, then fuck off. that's what i say.
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- if you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
reason:
basically, this is just asking you not to be annoyingly evasive or indirect. similar to item two, this is just a request for simple, honest communication. an example is this: say we're going to dinner somewhere, and i put on my customary t-shirt and pants. you, however, feel i should "dress up," but instead of saying "could you please put on this shirt instead of that t-shirt," you say "don't you think you should wear something else?" "fuck no," will be my answer, and probably the end of the conversation. likewise, if you try on a dress and ask me if it makes you look fat, if it does, i will say so. if you don't want me to say so, don't ask. it will be better for both of us. just say what you mean, whatever you're thinking. i am much more likely to positively respond to honesty than treachery. another example: one day, while a friend was temporarily living with me, we were sitting there talking about something or other, and she asked a question. while i was answering it, she looked at me and said soemthing to the effect that "she didn't want an answer, because the answer was something she didn't want to do." which i took to be her being willing to ignore some difficulty to make things easier in the present, instead of truly improving the situation; which irritates the crap out of me. it really bothers me when people ignore problems. that's what this one is kind of directed at. its not that i like being brutally honest, but sometimes it's necessary. i can be brutally honest, and have been in the past, but am usually not, because, usually, it does no good anyway. for instance, another friend once asked me a couple questions where i think she was afraid to hear the real answer. she wanted me to tell her what she wanted to hear, but instead i told her the brutally honest answer. she just ignored it still, though, and the only result was that she was mad at me for awhile. so, now, when it comes to questions like this, i ask the person before i answer if they want to hear what i really think, or do they want me to tell them what they want to hear. that way, it's up to them, and kind of prepares them a little bit- or, they can go on ignoring things. it's up to them. but this brutally honest stuff kind of works with "the truth is more important than egos" one, too.
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- learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. and when you're done, put the lid down.
reason:
this is in response to all the chicks who complain that guys never put the toilet seat down when they're done using the bathroom. well, i grew up in a family where my parents taught me to put the seat and the lid down after using the bathroom, and with that training, it has become obvious to me that most other people do not do this- in fact, i don't think i've ever been in a girl's house or apartment where i had to lift the toilet lid and seat before peeing. so i'm just saying stop freaking complaining about it, because you're probably just as bad as anyone else. besides, it's not all that hard to put the damn seat down yourself- and if you've ever fallen in because the seat was up, that's your own idiot fault for not having enough common sense to look in the first place.
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- sometimes, i'm not thinking about you.
reason:
i think i think more than most people. at least, i am quiet more than most people, which usually makes me look like i'm thinking; and most of the time i am, about all kinds of stuff. one time, i was driving with a girlfriend home after a movie. we had talked about the movie and other stuff during the begining of the ride home, but after a little while we stopped conversing and just sat and drove. a few miutes later, she looked over and asked what i was thinking about. i told her i was thinking about how my roommate and i could change the arrangment of our bedroom, to better accomodate all our stuff, and she got angry with me. apparently, she had been thinking about how the movie we just saw reflected our own relationship, and blah blah blah. now, yes, that had occured to me too, but i didn't dwell on that single fact for the past twenty minutes; i simply awknowledged it, savored the fact that i was in a relationship with someone i loved; and then it occured to me that i had forgotten to tell my roommate that i was going to be staying the night at her apt., and to not expect me back. which then reminded me that he was also not coming home that night, because he was going to his parents house in cleveland to pick up stuff he'd left there, which he was bringing back the next day, and which we'd have to make room for. which necessitated rearranging the furniture in our room to accomodate it..... which is where i'd gotten to when my girlfriend asked her question. i mean, yes, i loved her, and yes, she was a big part of my life. but, and i know this sounds mean, but she wasn't my entire life, although she apparently thought she was. anyway, she was angry to find out that i wasn't thinking about her and our relationship during that whole drive, like she was. i don't know- i think if a coupel don't have outside interests ina relationship, then chances are those two people are going to get very bored with it and each other very quickly. ADDENDUM: this haden't occured to me orriginally, but someone noted that they thought i was referring to being in bed with someone. honestly, i didn't mean in bed, just in general. like eating dinner with someone when something big is going on at work. if it's important, i might be disctracted trying to solve the work problem, and not able to completely concentrate on what you're saying, or things you've asked me to do. that's what i mostly meant. and i will tell you, usually, because i feel bad about being distracted, but it can't be helped. as far as the bed stuff goes, i guess i don't always think about the person i'm with, either. sometimes, sex stuff just is boring, or is taking too long. that's the way it goes, i guess. this kind of goes with the "i'd rather be ineffectual than decived" one, though- if you're bored, then something might be wrong. so tell me so we can work on it; don't just lay there like a naked idiot. no one benefits from that.
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- shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
reason:
i know i'm selfish, but this is just something most girls i know cannot fathom- or else they know it to be true, but would rather just ignore it. most of the time when i go shopping, i go into the store, buy what i want or need, and leave. that, to me, is shopping. of course, there are soemtimes when i need to get soemthing to achieve a specific taks, but i'm not sure what that something is. so, i will walk up and down the isles looking at things, trying to find something that will do the job, one way or another. i can appreciate the need for this, but it is rare. it does not happen every shopping trip. nor does the "go out for one item and come home with ten other things" ever happen to me. the only p[urpose that stores serve is to provide what i need- i go there, get it, and leave. shopping is not a habit, hobby or past time, nor do i want it to be; especially in a damn mall. if you want to spend all day shopping and wandering from store to store, fine. do not expect me to go with you. usually, i'll have better things to do- sometimes i might feel like joining you, but that'll be rare, and that's just the way it is.
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- anything you wear is fine. really.
reason:
i've been told that most males are very visually-fixated, which means they put more emphasis on the way a female looks than anything else, whereas females are emotionally-fixated, which means the most important thing to them is to find emotional satisfaction. someone also once said "generalizations are a fine thing, but rarely apply to any specific case." that being said, i will restate this maxim- anything you wear is fine. really. if i like you, it's because of who you are, and not what you look like. really. who you are includes what you look like, of course, but not the way you dress. it's not that i don't take an interest in how you present yourself to others, but if we're going somewhere and you're debating whether to wear the orange dress or the green dress, just keep in mind that i am going with _you_ to that function, and not your dress. just dress according to the situation, and everything else will work itself out. that's what i do. further than that, though, i guess it comes down to the fact that, even though there might be some clothes that i do like better than others, what i think really doesn't matter; my sense of style is quite obviously not in line with everyone else's. just wear something comfortable, and get on with it. i would never notice if someone's socks matched their shirt or whatever, nor would i really care if i did. i just don't find it important.
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- you have enough clothes.
reason:
most of the people i know can go weeks without wearing the same clothes twice. also, many people have clothes that they don't wear, but that they keep just because they like them. i just think that is absolutly unnecessary. why lug all that crap around with you and let it weight you down- both physically and psychologically? if girls aren't supposed to be visually-stimulated, then why does somuch of your time and energy go into how you look? if you say "to get a man," then my next question is "if you put all your effort into getting a guy that is visually stimulated, what are the chances of him fulfilling your emotional needs?" think about it. you can catch more flies with honey that you can with intelligent conversation, but what you end up is just a bunch of flies. get rid of some clothes, and worry about more important things. there are needy people around that can put your worn-once-a-year wardrobe to better use.
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- you probably have too many shoes.
reason:
all you really need is a pair of good shoes, a pair of play shoes, and maybe a decent pair of boots. seriously. see also item eight.
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- ask for what you want. subtle hints don't work.
reason:
this one goes hand in hand with item two and item three, although is itself basically self-explanitory. don't ask me if i think it's time i took out the trash. if you want me to take it out, tell me. or, take it out yourself. playing stupid little mind games trying to make me think it was my idea so i'll be more likely to do something will just irritate me, which will probably lead to whatever it was not getting accomplished. just be direct and honest with me, that's all i ask. and in return, i'll do the same. although i will often say "oh, i don't care" when given options, usually, i just don't care one way or the other. and many times (something that endlessly irritates my mom), i don't want anything, although people think that i should. at christams time and birthdays, i don't want any gifts, really, but my mom trys to interprt everything i say as coded messages of gifts i want. (me: "mom, what are we having for dinner tonight?" mom (to herself):"oh, he must want a new microwave oven.") mainly, though, i think i am just impartial, or indifferent, so something that is actually me not caring comes across as me hinting something. but really, if i say i don't care, i don't.
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- i respect nothing, everything is sacred.
- i respect everything, nothing is sacred.
reason:
these two must be taken together, and are stolen from the book "even cowgirls get the blues," by tom robbins. it was the reply given when one character asked another something like "what is the most important thing in your life?" i liked this idea, as it sounded familair to me, so i adopted its wording. basically, to me, it means that everything is a choice, and there probaly really isn't any set of rules to adhere to- nor should we try to let ourselves be guided by any set of rules. you have to make your own decisions. also, though, i liked it because it shoots holes in the theory of the universal hierarchy that most humans like so much. it means that everything is equal, and there is nothing that is any better or more important than anything else. period. humans are not better than plants or animals, the bible is not more important than a comic book, gold is no more valuable than gravel, et cetera. this is very important to me, and one of the things people around me have the most difficulty in accepting. in its own way, everything is just as important as everything else, and because of that, nothing stands out as the most important; subsequentially, since there is no hierarchical order of things, everything is, in fact, important and valuable. this is something i just believe in; either accept it or don't.
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- no, i don't know what day it is. i probably never will. mark anniversaries on a calendar if you like them. i do not belive in holidays, because i do not regard single days as any more special than the ones that surround it.
reason:
this one is profusly denounced by my mother, who is eternally wanting me to get as excited about my birthday, christmas, et al. as she is. it, however, will not happen. for one thing, i find it kind of idiotic to celebrate things like christmas and easter when you don't believe in god, and likewise misguided to give me presents on my natal anniversary. if you're really happy about me being alive, give my parents the presents; after all, they're the ones that did all the work and should be thanked and congratulated, not me. i didn't do a damn thing to be born. but see, holidays are generally days that other people, for whatever reason, find significant. i was never consulted, so i don't see why i should agree with them, or partake in their celebrations. if i think a day should be deemed more important than an other one, then i'll do something to mark the occasion, but chances are it'll be for personal reasons, and i won't expect everyone else to join in with me. personally, it seems to me that holidays are nothing more than excuses to make people fell better about themselevs, and temporarily forget the drugery of ther routine lives. it seems that the highs achived on these few days make up for the shitty conditions people generally are subject to- and which they are willing to put up with because of their holidays. well, you can keep your shittydays/holiday calander, because i don't want any part of it. i'd rather have all decent days, where every day is worth a celebration of life or whatever, and not just special days. if i see something someone would like, or wantto thank or reward someone with something, i'll buy it for them and give it to them as a gift right then, and not wait until christmas or their birthday. or, if i feel like eating candy canes in july i will, and not restrain myself because "they're out of season." conversly, don't expect me to wear all green just because it's saint patrick's day. lifeoccurs in spontaneous reality, it doesn't punch a time clock. that's only what i think, though, and i do recognise that other people do find certain days important, and are upset when i "forget" their birthdays or anniversaries or whatever, or are offended when i ask them not to send me cards on my birthday, etc. i don't think there is a pat solution to this; you just have to deal with it as it comes up with each person. more on this: i was talking about almost this exact thing with my mom last night, and here's what came of it: she asked me what i want for christmas. i said i don't want anything for christmas. she said that's not going to work, and that she wants to give me gifts. i told her i don't want anything for christmas. she said that she will give me gifts, because it is the season of giving, and she likes giving people presents because it makes her feel good. i said that when people do that they are just being incredibly selfish and greedy and defeating the spirit of this so-called holiday entirely. she didn't understand. the reason i said that, though, is because she was no longer giving brian gifts that brian would enjoy, she was giving her son gifts because it was something she likes doing. doing someone to someone against their will only because you want to do it sounds bad to me, and it is one thing i don't like about holidays. of course, inversely, i am being just as greedy and selfish by not letting them send me cards and give me stuff, because i'm infringing on their idea of the holiday. so you can either look at it that way, where everyone is selfish and only the differences in selfishness will apparently result in unselfish people, or, you can look at things (which is often necessary) in the most basic possible sense. for most holidays, the root purpose of them is to remember the people you love- the gift giving and card sending is just to show to them that you remembered them. i know my parents love me, and i know my friends do, too, and don't need periodic reminders of this. therefore, in the most basic respect of holidays, they should be satisified with just remembering that they love me- they don't need to prove it to me. i think the whole proof part is just crap our society has been piling on top of the real holidays, and people can no longer distinguish between the two.
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- yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
reason:
after a female friend of mine read this one, her immediate response was that she agreed with me, but only "if we know what the no or yes mean." and my response to that was: what are you talking about? yes and no. you know what they mean. it's situations like the following that really bug me in this respect:
her: do you want to go to my brother's house for dinner?
me: no.
her: what do you mean, "no?"
what the hell do you think i mean? i mean i don't want to go. i'm sure you're still going to try to make me go, or at least try to make me feel guilty about it, but that won't change the fact that i don't want to go. i guess this one goes back to the "don't ask questions you don't want answers to" one. if you're going to act with indifference to what i think, then don't put on a charade that you care what i think. oh, and don't try to justify it or try to make me feel better about it:
her: do you want to meet my friends at a bar tonight?
me: no.
her: come on, it'll be fun.
i already know darn well that it won't be fun. i know this well, which is why i don't want to go. and most of the time, you'll have more fun without me at things like this- especially if you try to force me to enjoy it like you are. i can do some of these things and tolerate them, but i don't need to have fun. but that's off the subject. yes and no are simple. "yes" and "no" mean exactly - and only - that: yes and no. if you want to know "why," then ask "why." yes and no do not mean why. that is the biggest problem, and it's because people overlook it.
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- check your oil. you probably know as much about it as i do.
reason:
i don't know crap about cars, even though i'm supposed to because i'm a guy. the only things i know about cars are things that have gone wrong with mine in the past. those things then i've had to have fixed, or learned how to fix; two things you can do yourself. besides, if you drive it, you should at least know how to maintain it yourself. i'll try to help as much as i can, but i'm just warning you that it'll unfortunatly most likely be very little.
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- don't give me fifty rules when twenty will do.
reason:
basically, just keep things simple. (unlike this damn list, which seems to keep growing and growing.)
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- don't fake it. i'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
reason:
this is specifically referring to the female practice of faking orgasms. it applies to other things as well, but it basically boils down to this: if i'm doing something wrong, tell me, because i need to know this before i can do it right. and doing it right is important, as otherwise we're just living in a lie. as always, i prefer honesty, however painful it might be at the time; i think, though, that in the long run, it'll be worth it.
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- it is in neither your interest nor mine to take the quiz together. even reading the magazine is debatable.
reason:
here i'm talking about the multitude of "women's" magazines out there, like cosmopolitan, ym, seventeen, and all the other ones. pretty much any magazine that has ever used the phrase "your man" i think can be safely ignored on the grounds that its sole purpose it to widen the gender gap by capitalizing on the sexual stereotypes it proportes to strive to overcome to sell magazines. if you want to know what i'm thinking, or anything else about me, don't follow behind me with the "true lover's checklist," just fucking ask me. if you really want to date "your ideal cosmo mate" by judging every guy by their love quiz, just keep in mind that he'll probbaly end up being as superfical, insecure and paranoid as you are, clutching is own little overly-dramatic, mass-produced magazine (which can only yield overly-dramatic, mass-produced relationships). just please recognise and take those magazines for what they are, and nothing more.
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- my memory is terrible. it's not that i'm lying or not listing to you, i really just don't remember.
reason:
this is absolutly true, and there is very little i can do about it. some things i seem to remember very well, and other things i can't remember even when i really try. i admit that sometimes i might forget something because it didn't seem important to me, but most of the time i just honestly don't remember.
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- you don't need to look like the victoria's secret girls, and don't expect me to act like soap opera/melrose place guys.
reason:
i can't really expand on this one, other than to say that today's excitement-media-driven society cannot be taken literally. judge me by my own merits, and know your own likes and dislikes- and why those are your likes and dislikes. please don't buy into what american commercialism is shoving down our throats. if you can't make your own descision, i don't want to be associated with you, because i don't think you can ever be truely happy.
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- you can either ask me to do something -or- tell me how you want it done. not both.
reason:
this one sounds confusing, but it's really not. it's simply the difference between letting someone help you and being a facist. that's easy. example: say you have a picture you want hung in the hallway. first, you can ask me to hang it in the hallway, letting me make all the subsequent descisions. or, you can tell me exactly what wall you want it hung on, show me exactly where to put it, tell me exactly how high to hang it, and exactly how far in to drive the nail. that's fine, and i accept that. just don't ask me to do something, then come and check on me halfway through, looking over my shoulder and "correcting" ever decision i make. if you trust me, fine; if you don't trust me, fine. just don't waste our time playing around.
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- women wearing wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
reason:
it really bugs me to listen to some of my friends complain about how all guys care about is how big your boobs are and how guys are always looking at their chests when talking to them, yet before they go out they all go upstairs and put on their wonderbras and either very tight or very revealing shirts. sigh; hypocracy at its finest. i mean really, if you don't want to be viewed as just a piece of meat, don't make yourself look like a peice of meat- how hard is that logic? but moreover, if you don't want to be treated as a peice of meat, don't go to places where guys treat girls like pieces of meat, and don't try for guys who are treating you like peices of meat. one thing i never understood about padded bras and falsies and the like: the ultimate goal of those are solely to get guys to notice and want your body, and further to get naked with this guy. but what then, huh? after that bra comes off, your real breast size is going to be quite plain to him. it seems to me that that sort of stuff would only work on guys to who big boobs are important- so, when he does find out that you don't have big boobs, why would you expect him to stick around? i think this is why so many of my chick friends "mysteriously" seem to have trouble finding a "good" guy. surprise, it's because you're acting like an idiot and doing things that attract the "bad" guys. i mean, the guys that are taken in by padded bras are the same ones that are attracted to girls with breast-implants. in fact, padded bras are really nothing more than a low-rate boob job, and the women who wear them are no different from the "silicone bimbos" they look down upon. actually, it seems to me that padded bras are even more pathetic than getting implants, because at least women getting implants are awknowledging that all they've got going for them is their body, and they're willing to commit to flaunting it. padded-bra wearers, though, are too self-conscious to take their bodies for what they are, and too weak-willed to admit it and actually do something about it. at least the silicone bimbos have enough "integrity" (although i use thatterm incredibly loosly) to stick to their convictions. personally, i don't see any reason why your natural body needs to be enhanced. if you're uncomfortable with your body or feel like you've got to use it to catch men, then that's a pitiful shortcoming you need to deal with. if guys won't look at you because yo uhave no chest, then how worthwhile are they in the first place? if you decide to walk the walk and jiggle the jiggle, you should expect your walk and jiggle to be noticed and commented on, because that's ultimatly what you want, whether you are willing to admit it or not. still, though, i get the complaint "but when men only look at those women it makes us natural ones feel like we have to do that stuff just to get looked at." to that, all i can say is well, if they're attractive, then i'll look at them. that's just the way it is, and i'm sure you'll look at attractive guys. but, looks are about as important as whether or not you're left- or right-handed. i mean, sure they might look good, but anyone can look good. not everyone can be a worthwhile person, though, which is what i think you are if i'm with you. i might look at them, but i'd never talk to them; because i'm not looking at her, i'm just looking at whatever she's showing- her boobs or whatever. i'm not interested in dating boobs, though, so i would not bother with her. if that's all she's got going for her, then she's mostly worthless- but that doesn't change the fact that she's got nice boobs. just be yourself, and people who find that attractive will be attracted to you. i don't see a point in attracting someone to something you're really not.
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- when i'm turning the wheel and the car is entering onto the off-ramp, you saying, "this is our exit," is strictly not necessary.
reason:
this one is pretty self-explanitory. there is generally no need to state the obvious. saying things just to talk to to eleivate a silence is not necessary. by all means, please be helpful, but morons i can i do without.
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- if i'm reading, i probably want to be reading.
reason:
this is just one of many on this list that sounds really mean, although i don't intend it to be. it's just annoying when i'm sitting quietly reading, or doing anything, actually, and someone comes in and starts talking to you, with complete disregard for the fact they are interupting you. i guess this does sound kind of petty, but i think it's inconsiderate to at least not acknowledge that i was doing something other than waiting for you to come along, ready to jump at your every whim. it often happens in airports and places where people are waiting for things. i'll be sitting somewhere reading, when someone will come and sit down next to me and start talking to me because they are bored. they should be able to entertain themselves, though, without bothering the people around them. this also goes for, i've found to be quite often, weekend nights, where i'm just sitting home reading something, and some calls wanting to go out dancing or drinking or something. i'd rather read, and tell them this, but they insist on trying to drag me with them. no, i say. you'll have fun, they say. i'm having fun already, i say. just common courtesy, that's all, and i'll try to do the same for you.
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- photographs are unnecessary.
reason:
oh boy. this one is probably the most often-conflicted statement on this list. absolutly no one i've met will even conceed that i've got a right to feel this way, although a few have stopped trying to force me into pictures- sometimes. i just do not like my picture taken. i think i look stupid in pictures, and would rather not partake in them. besides, most photographs are a frozen moment in time, meant to capture an experience- but they don't, they just freeze that one moment. i think, if something is important enough to you, you will be able to remember it without needing a full color glossy hardcopy of it. and photographs only do capture that exact visual moment- they can't reproduce the feelings, emotions, situation or anything else, except for spatial/visual existance, and even that isn't done perfectly. some tribes and stuff say pictures steal your soul, and i partly agree. your memories make up a big part of you, and by removing from yourself the need to remember your experiences, you kind of lose them. they aren't as much a part of you as they would be if you didn't know you could always get out the photo album anytime you want. i would much rather have my most important experiences a part of me, and not have to rely on images in a shoebox to remind me of who i've known and what i've done. however, there are, of course, somethings that can't be conveyed easily in words, and are better portrayed in a picture to someone who wasn't there when it was taken. i agree with that, but to that i do want to say that you can't have everything. a big problem with our society is that everyone seems to want to have everything, regardless of whether or not they have a right to it, have worked for it, or if there is any reason they should have it. most people feel they have to "expereince" everything they can, or else their missing out. so, they'll look at someone's holiday snaps of their trip to the grand canyon, and then regard themselves as having "experienced" the grand canyon. things like that, i think, you just have to see for yourself in person, and pictures are abolutely inadequate. however, most people are willing to sacrifice true experience for instamatic reproductions. they try to gather around them all their achievements and activities, and let them speak and live for them. but there's not too much i can do about it. i just don't want to be a part of it, so please don't take my picture.
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- the truth is more important than egos.
reason:
this is another one of the most important items on this list. and although it too sounds very harsh, i do strongly believe in it; to the extent that i have unknowingly and unintentionally hurt peoples' feelings, because i was more honest than they wanted me to be (see item three). i really don't have much of an ego myself, and do not like them, so i kind of forget how prevalent they are in others. which is why this is something important to know about me; i don't try to be mean, i'm just being honest. i don't like beating around the bush, and i don't think things can progress until the real problem is identified. so this is the way i want to be treated, and is usually, right or wrong, the way i treat others. i don't like the idea of telling people what they want to hear, because they are incapable of accepting the truth.
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- if you're giving me directions while i'm driving, just remember that i cannot turn on your impulse. saying "turn right here" when i'm in the left lane ten feet from the intersection will just not do.
reason:
one huge fault i see in most people (myself included) is that we are way, way too ego-centric. we have great difficulty in looking at things from different points of view, and often tend to think that ours is the only right way. if you watch, this is manifest in all kind of subtle ways in our daily lives, not least of which is the above example. just because the navigator now wants to turn, that doesn't mean it's possible for the driver to actually make that turn- but if the navigator was navigating with the requirements of the driver's perspective in mind, this problem would be eliminated. i guess being in marketing has really helped me get better at this, as i need to, on a daily basis, view my company and products from the customers' point of views, and not the employee's. because of this continual practice, i dare say i've become better at it than most people, as well as recognizing the importance of it. also because of this, it's easier for me to see instances of failures to take this into account, and that does bug me. so please, try not to get locked into a self-centered view of the world, but strive to look at things from other's perspectives.
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- sometimes, i'd just rather sleep on the couch.
reason:
sometimes while sleeping in a bed with someone, i'll feel an intense urge to not be in bed with someone. i guess it happens for a varied array of reasons, but it basically boils down to me just wanting to be alone. maybe it's too hot to be next to someone, or i feel restless, or the other person is snoring, or i want to strech my legs, or whatever, but it happens, and is almost invariably taken as a sign of being repusled by my bedmate. that is rarely the case, but just try convincing her of that. i mean, i like you, or i wouldn't be in bed with you in the first place. it's nothing personal, but for one reason or another it's uncomfortable, and i'd rather just sleep on the couch.
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- every new day does not require a shower.
reason:
that's just the way i am. some people have just got to shower every morning before they do anything, but i am not like that. if i know i'm going to be working in the yard, going for a bike ride, or just getting sweaty some how, that kind of defeats the purpose of taking a shower. also, if i know i'm not going to be around people, and i don't find myself offensive, then i won't bother with it. this one i guess just mainly depends on what i'm doing, but is true nonetheless.
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- laundry is never "clean" or "dirty." it is a spectrum, in which "clean enough" is viably wearable.
reason:
this is most definately true, especially when you have a job like mine, where you go and sit in front of a computer for half of the day in nice work clothes, then come home and change into play clothes for the other half of the day. so, each set of clothes is really only worn for a half-day, and hardly has a chance to get dirty. so, i tend to wear things more than once between washings, because some thing simply do not need to be washed. if they do, then i of course don't wear them, but just because i've worn something doesn't mean it gets automatically thrown into the hamper.
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- the universe is not subjective.
reason:
this kind of confuses some people, but it's pretty simple. one time, i remember sitting in a friend's house, talking about the buddhist koan, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?" my friends pretty much decided that it didn't make a sound (at least, in their worlds), because they weren't there to hear it. that's subjective. i don't belive in that. what i do believe in is subjective interpretations of an objective universe. see, the difference is that i don't think the world revolves around me- and by extension, the human race. this is where my beliefs, it seems, depart from what most people i've met seem to belive. it kind of amazes me to see the number of people that think the world and universe was put here solely to be at the beckon call of humanity. i think plants, animals, rocks, alien life, whatever, would get along just fine- better, perhaps- if there were no humans around. i think everything in the universe has its own set of objective properties and characteristcs, which exists totally independant of observation; indeed, which are actually altered by observation. anyway, this really applies in so many ways to so many things that i am afraid to say anything else about it. basically, i just think we are not the focus of the universe, we are probably here quite by chance, and that there are truths out there we may never know.
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- i can eat cheez-its as easily as chicken parmigon. everyday.
reason:
when this one was first readby a friend of mine, she kind of misinterperted it. she thought i meant i could eat cheez-its everyday and expect to still be healthy, but that isn't what i meant. i didn't mean this from a health-standpoint, but from a societal-standpoint. what i was trying to say was that i eat food i like, because i like them- not because they are supposed to be good or cooked by the best chef in town or anything like that. also, i eat foods i like, and because i like them, i can eat them everyday- i probably won't get sick of them and want to spice up my meals by having something different every night of the week. that was what i was trying to say. as far as health goes, i agree that it's very important to have a healthy diet- cheez-its was just an example. some people also think that it is for health reasons that i don't drink, smoke or drug. i guess that's part of it, but it no so much because they are damaging, but because they are unneccesary. they are stupid and dangerous because they are damaging.
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- i can't stand small talk.
reason:
bleh. by my definition, small talk is the conversation you make with someone you don't know to relieve an uncomfortable silence. however, small talk makes me many more times more uncomfortable than silence. i would rather stand in complete silence they try to fumble through an awkward conversation about the weather. getting to know someone is one thing, but if i've got absolutly nothing in common with someone and the only reason i'm talking to them is because i happen to be in line next to them or whatever. i can do without making a new friend. don't get me wrong, though, i'm not mean or unfriendly. it's just that i'd rather not have to try to be entertaining. i guess i'd rather just wait paitently and think, and then get on with things. i think for some people, talking to others helps pass the time, like on a long flight or whatever, but i am not one of those people. for me, i guess i can entertain myself, without needing outside stimulus. this one is also kind of related to item twenty four.
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- i will be uncomfortable around people i don't know, and nothing you can say will make that go away.
reason:
this is just a truth; it always has been true, and probably always will. whenever i meet new people, for whatever reason i am nervous and uncomfortable. this doesn't mean that i am adverse to meeting new people, it just means that i'll be nervous at the time, that's all. i think i hardly ever make a good first impression, but people tell me i do okay. one odd thing about this i've noticed, though, is that the more i'm assured before hand that i'll like th eperson i'm meeting, the more awkward i tend to feel during the meeting. weird, but it's true.
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- i don't like stuff.
reason:
i've been called a minimalist and an anti-materialist. i don't particularly want a name or a stereotype, i just don't like accumulating a bunch of stuff around me- especially stuff i don't need. i think there is very little we actually need to get through life well, and anything above and beyond that just complicates things, and actually makes life harder. so, i don't own a lot of stuff, i don't buy a lot of stuff, and i don't want a lot of stuff. most of the stuff i have now was given to me in one form or another, and much o tthat is only still around because i feel bad getting rid of a gift. i try to contunually purge my apartment of stuff i don't use, and make semi-regular donations to good will. this, in fact, might be the biggest problem i have with other people- their tendency to surround themselves with junk. for more on this, see items eight and nine.
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- i don't kill insects.
reason:
this one goes back to item thirty one, in that i don't think the universe revolves around humanity. therefore, i don't think that humanity is at th etop of the food chain, nor do i belive in the soverignty of humanity over all else. i don't think we have the right to alter the universe to be more to our liking or comfort, and do things like kill insects just because we think they're icky. that kind of arrogance really pisses me off.
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- i don't believe in god.
reason:
much to the horror of my metors during my catholic childhood, this one is absolutly true, and based on decisions i've made, mostly because of my catholic childhood. there's a lot i could say about this, but i don't just want to go rambling about it. so, i'll limit it to this: the reason i don't belive in god (or a god, or gods) is because i don't see a need or reason for dieties, other than human psychological needs. in fact, i'm more or less organized religions as a whole- at least, any religion that originated in the middle east. every religion from that region seems to breed- and rely on- fanaticism, and i see that as unnecessary. natural religions, though, like wicca, druism and other pagan religions, are cool because the focus on nature and the center of a good existance. i also like eastern religions, in which reflection and thought are the primary components. so, i guess if i had to subscribe to some religion, it would be soem sort of mixture of natural and eastern, but i don't know what it would exactly be, or what its end would be. this is starting to get in my personal philosophy, and since i haven't work it out yet, i really can't go any further there.
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- i don't like the idea of owning pets. just because the caged bird sings does not justify its being caged.
reason:
i've kind of had problems over this one, too. to put it plainly, though, i don't think anyone should have a pet. of course, some pet "owners" are better than others, and i'm sure their pets lead very comfortable and enjoyable lives. still, though, i don't really like the idea of one life form owning another, keeping it in a cage (and anything that isn't a natural habitat is a cage [or "crate," as people too uncomfortable with the word cage say]). zoos and other animal parks really bother me, becauseonce again it's the arrogance o fhumanity chaining up all these creatures to satisfy our own curiosity, regardless of the rights of the animals. "we want, we take" seems to be th ebattle cry of humans, and it applies to pets as well. if we feel like we're lonely, we'll go buy a dog, bring it home, tie a rope around its neck, tell it where and when it can eat, where and when it can poop, where and when it can sleep, where and when it can play. we isolate it from all others of its species, and if it does something we don't like, we scream "no" at it and yank on the chain around its neck. i don't like that. i can' treally think of a single good reason for anyone to have a pet- but the sad thing is is that the only justifing reason is that we're responsible for destroying their natural habitats, so we've got to take care of them. how unlucky for them. animals should be free, just like we think we should be. they've got just as much right to live as we do, and yet we seem to think they're here to entertain us, and try to make them fit into our society. i just think that is wrong.
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- please don't ask me to do something because you think it is a novelty that i know how to do it, or because it is something you don't want to learn.
reason:
i can't think of any good specific example right off. in college, though, it happened all the time. whenever some friends of mine (a house full of girls) needed pictures hung or something fixed, they'd ask me, make fun of the fact that i knew how to do something, and then watch me do it. then, the next year, when they needed the same thing done, they'd ask me again, instead of trying to do it themselves. that's what i don't like. i don't mind helping people, but i do not like to encourage ineptitude, be it overt or subconscious.
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- don't walk into the room and ask me what i'm doing. it's probably pretty evident if you just look.
reason:
this is another one of those that sound really mean, but was not intended to be so. it's just that i get sick of people who'll do anything to get out of thinking for themselves, or who talk just to here themselves talk. i mean, if you walk in a room and i'm sitting on the couch reading a book, is it really necessary to ask what i'm doing? of course not, yet it happens all the time anyway. i think people need to be generally more observant (and not just in this sense, although it would remedy this problem), and that would make them both more intelligent and more fulfilled people. this was just one instance of it.
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- i am patient and irritable.
reason:
i guess this sounds like a contradiction in terms, but it's really not. i am a very paitent person, and do not mind waiting for things. in fact, i am usually more will, and able, to wait paitently (in whatever form) than most people i know. however, i am also very irritable, meaning that little things can mysteriously bother me. well, i guess it's not too mysterious after all, at least to me. i think it boils down to the fact that i have a short temper when it comes to things like idiotocy, hyprocacy and stupidity. so, whereas i don't mind sitting on a bench at the mall for a half an hour while you go into victoria's secret, i will be rather put out if i have to wait for you to get ready to go somewhere because you're just not ready to go, or if you can't find your keys because you were careless when you put them down. i guess, i try to always be courtious, and it bothers me when other people aren't.
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- so what if i've only got two plates, four cups, two knives, one spoon and two forks. i live alone and only have one mouth.
reason:
bleh. this one i get crap for from my mother continously, and most female freinds i have, too. but really, it's simple- i just don't need that many dishes. i can only use so many at a time, and i always try to wash them right after use. this might go back to my college roommates, who never, ever washed the dishes, and also to my minimalist tendencies. i have what i need, end of story. if i get a roommate or whatever, i'll get more dishes and crap. until then, i just don't need them.
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- i do not believe in the sovereignty of humanity.
reason:
okay, here's an important one. to put it simply, one of the biggest problems i have with our society, and individual people in general, is that there seems to be this universal, underlying, subconscious idea that humans are the most important things to ever exist, and everything else that exists does so solely to serve us. i honestly think this idea stems from "western religions" (meaning primarily christianity, but i think it also extents to any religion that originated in the middle east), from the idea that we were created in god's image and all that. bull-fucking-shit. the pagan religions have it right; humans are a part of nature, not superior to it in any way. if we destroy nature, we die, too, and i don't know why people coan't understand that. wait, yes i do: they can understand it, which is why they ignore it, and instead preserve every imaginary shred of importance they can, and build up every new immediate pleasure or convienece that comes along, regardless of the long-term or non-human effects. yeah, this is a very important one to me indeed, and does in fact govern most of what i do; including the way i view pets and other animals, people, my general outlook on life and the universe as a whole.
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- i don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs. this is my decision. make your own.
reason:
i really don't know what the reason for this is. i've been asked more times that i could possibly count, and i think i pretty much made up a different reason each time. basically, though, it's simply because i don't want to do this crap- i have no interest in it, and i think it's useless, unecessary and stupid. however, more importantly, i'm not out to convert anyone to my way of thinking. for some reason, whenever someone finds this out about me, which is usually at a party or whatever, they almost always ask me why, and do so in such a way that they seem to be expecting me to try to prove why what i think is right. this has struck me as odd. i don't know why it seems this way; maybe either because most people (at least people who drink and everything) are just naturally defensive, aggresive and confrontational, or, they actually unconsciously don't like to drink and everything are looking for a good reason to stop. i don't know. but like i said- i'm not looking to change people's minds or affect their lives. i made the descions not to do this stuff on my own, for my own reasons (whatever they are), based on my life. i cannot make this descion for you- only you can do that- and i've got no real interest in explaining myself to you. think for yourself.
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- i don't like in favorites, so don't ask me what my favorite anything is. meaningful preferences are okay, but arbitrary hierarchies bother me.
reason:
everyone always seems so quick to pick their favorite everything, and keep their list around with them... their favorite color, favorite number, favorite movie, favoriate foreign country, favorite muppet, etc. why? what possible meaning does their preferences hold for anyone but themselevs? not much, i shouldn't think. besides, how reliable are such rankings? i mean, comparing most things that people seek to compare really is like comparing apples and oranges- it's pointless to do, because most things are too different and built on varying pertinent criteria to make any meaningful comparisons. the best example is the age-old questions asked in elementary schools everywhere- "who's your favorite classmate?" what a bunch of crap. i mean really, how's a kid supposed to answer that? every person in class is unique, with different strengths, weaknesses and abilities, so to judge them all on the same scale is not only pointless and ineffectual, it's ludicrious. why can't we justlike everyone differently, for their differences, on a large horizontal scale, instead of trying to force everyone into one linear vertical ranking? or at least, judge everything on its own merits, on it's own scale. i don't know, this justseems stupid to me- like trying to pick your favorite athelete of all time. how can you compare michael jordan to wayne gretsky, or mike will, joe jackson, or anyone else? i don't reall ythink you can, unless you come up with a meaningful list of common criteria between the contestants. but most people are willing or able to do that. in fact, i think this whole ranking thing comes from the fact that people are just lazy, and any sort of ranking or classification is a tidy little convience for them; who cares if it isn't accurate? well, me, i guess.
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- i drive as fast as conditions allow.
reason:
this one is pretty plain. i usually drive fast. it's not because i like driving fast, but becuase i see no reason in driving slow. of course, safety is the most important thing, but anything up to that is perfectly acceptable. unfortuantly, police officers don't agree. anyway, the reason i threw this one in here is that i've had complaints about my driving in the past. but, it's the way i drive, so i probably won't be able to consciously change- but, if it's making you uncomfortable, let me know, and i'll drive more to your liking.
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- one of the phrases i live by is "love may fail, but courtesy prevails."
reason:
this phrase came from a kurt vonnegut book, but really is the prevalient theme throughout most of his fiction novels. i really don't know how to better explain it, because it seems very plain to me by itself. basically though, i think, it is just saying that watch out for love. a lot of people think that all you need to do in life is find true love, and everything else will work itself out and you'll be happy. i really don't think that is true. i don't think you can base your whole lifeon love, because love is very falliable- i mean, there's one girl i know i am in love with, but we are just too different to possibly be together for the rest of lives. incredibely sad, but nonetheless true. also, though, just because i don't love someone doesn't mean i can completely write them off and ignore them. so what this means to me is that there is something more important than love- and that is our "place" or "duty" in the universe; meaning that we owe everyone and everything the common decentcy of being courtious to them. it's not that ithink you get more out of life always being nice to people or whatever, but i think it makes for happier people than not. i don't know, this one is really difficult to explain, and i'm doing a terrible job of it. sorry. just think about it, though, and read some jurt vonnegut books, and you might see what i mean.
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- another is "people suck."
reason:
"people suck" comes from a band i really like, too much joy. i really think that most people on earth are dangerously flawed, and the universe would be better off without us. for more, see number forty-three.
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- i walk slow, because usually i'm not in a hurry to get anywhere.
reason:
i can't explain this one any better than how it is stated. i justthink people rush around way too much, and i don't want to be part of it. some people say that half the fun of going somewhere is the journey itself. i don't know is that's true, but i belive it's got merit. people seem way to eager and put way too much importance on always doing something new, and looking to the future- and yet when they get there they still aren't happy, because they're now looking ahead for something new. i'd rather be happy with what i have then with what i can get. but don' tget me wrong- i'm not trying to endorse that "carpe diem" crap- that stuff seems to be prefered by people who are afriad of the future, or are so discontent that they can't sit still. i'd much rather live the day than live for the day.
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- i would rather listen than talk, because i learn more that way. i already know everything i could say.
reason:
again, this is as about as simply stated as possible. the only flaw in this i can see is that i can in fact learn by talking- by explaining to someone what i think, i come to better understand and refine my own ideas. which is the single major reason i created this website. however, most of the time i listen instead of talk. this probably has a lot to do with item one, but that's the way it goes sometimes. anyway, i think i always willing to try to explain my ideas on things to somoene (or at least attempt to try to explain them), when asked, but i generally don't volunteer to. mainly, that's because i've found that most don't agree with me on most things, and would rather not hear it. also, though, because i'm a bad explainer, so it's often difficult to accuractly and completely convery my thoughts. i try, though.
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- life is pointless. most of what i do is purely for entertainment purposes.
reason:
i honestly don't think that we each have been put here as a part of some grandieos plan, or aremeant to preform a certian function, or even that our lives have meaning. i belive life is a conicidence- enjoy it while you can, but just don't fuck anything up along the way. to this end, the two most important things in my life are to help people and have a good time. once i decided that life was pointless, you'd be surprised at how many ironies that are around that become simply hilarious. i have a good laugh at many of them, though most of my friends don't understand why i'm laughing. oh well- that, in itself, is kind of funny.
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- i don't like to dance or sing in public places; please don't try to convince me otherwise.
reason:
i like to sing in the shower and in the car, and i like to "dance" when i feel like it- usually when i'm pissed off about something or have a lot of energy to get rid of (which is a private thing, and rarely extends outside my apartment), or if i'm with a girl i really like and want to hold her. no other reason, though will get me to do these things. sorry. i do not like to do stuff just to fit in or because it's a status symbol of some kind. this is actually probably a kind of shortcoming of mine, at least when it comes to interacting with people, but i can't help it. it's just the way i feel. plus, i suck at dancing, and i can't sing, either.
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- i see a difference between morals and ethics; morals are dangerous and should be avoided, and ethics are like medicine, to be taken only when necessary.
reason:
this is a quote from the book "the wreckage of agathon," by john gardner. although it's just basically semantics, i think it's worth looking at. what i took it to mean is that people have invented a kind of code of conduct, and called it morals. mainly, i think it comes out of religious tradition and getting people to feel guilty about not acting a particular way. this i do not like. ethics, on the otherhand, are more of a universal code, with th eprimary difference being that they were not invented by humans. i think that everything in the universe has a certian place/job/duty/obligation/whatever..., and "ethics" is the definition of our particular acceptable conduct. if you always do what you should (ie- what is Right), then you'll never have an internal conflict, where you can't decide which path to take or which descion to make, and you'll never need to reexamine your ethics. however, if you do feel troubled about having to make some sort of big descion, this is when you need to refer to your ethical values (or, take your ethical medicine). it's just a matter of determining why the coflict within you exists (and is almost always the conflict between what we want to do and what we know we should do). in this case, our ethics will tell us what choice we should make (what we should do, not what we want to do), and this is what we should do. doing the Right thing is of course the only course to make, but things like "opportunity cost" and "morals" have piled up so much crap, guilt and self-doubt that this conflict is a common one, and a difficult one. but, this is how i see it, and how i try to live.
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- dumb jokes entertain me.
reason:
i don't know why this is, it just is. of course, it's other people that classify them as "dumb," so that's got something to do with it. i really like reading the jokes inside the laffy taffy wrapper, but the guys at work don't want me to read them to them. oh well. one joke i really like goes like this: "a hotdog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. the bartender looks at him and says 'sorry, we don't serve food.'" for more jokes, check out my humor page.
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- i think insanity is not a plea for help, but is a display of independence.
reason:
i'm not saying some people aren't weird or dangerous or anything. there are definatly people like this. what i don't like, though, is the way people too-easily through the words "sane" and "insane" around. i thinkthe offical, leagl definition of insanity is someone who cannot function normally within the confines of society. the inherent flaw in this definition, however, is that it takes for granted that society is a sane place to live. which i don't think it is, at least, not always. what i really think this designation means is "if you bother us, we'll get rid of you." all because someone simply isn't thinking like the people around them. honestly, though, i think if someone takes a serious look at our society, our history and where it seems we're going, there's no damn way they would continue to act in accordance with society- but instead they might find it incredibly humourous, and walk around laugh all the time or talking to themselves or some other "crazy" thing a "sane" person might find uncomfortable. a quote i read once went "there areonly two kinds of artists, plagerists and revolutionaries," but i think it extends beyound the boundries of the art world. what that means is that, at any given point in history, there stands a "conventional" mindset, underwhich any art produced is all the same, because it's all the same- all copying off of the orignator of that style or mindset. every artist here, then, is merely a plagerist. once in awhile, though, along comes a revolutionary, with an honest new and different mindset, which breaks the mold of the current mindset, and might possible overthrow and replace it- and so that everyone following in that mindset becomes merely another plagerist. the problem, though, is that we often call these revolutionasries "insane," and "lock them up for their own good." we lock them up because we are afraid of change because we are comfortable being plagerists. oppression is not having to think for youself.
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- dramatic bluntness bugs me. please be original or thorough, not flashy.
reason:
i go into this idea in my pseudo-essay on being dramatic in the writings section of this website. be warned, though- it revoves around a pretty graphic movie file, which youmight need to watch to understand what i'm talking about.
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- my wardrobe was selected on function, not fashion.
reason:
this one is pretty simple. i just don't care very much what people think of me, especially the way i dress. i wear what is comfortable, and that is the only criteria on which i pick clothes. i much prefer plain clothes to flashy corporate advertisments/affilations or the latest trend. this really bothers some friends of mine, but that's the way it goes.
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- i try not to impose what i think things should be over top of what they are.
reason:
this is a big one; at least, i see this fault (i think it's a fault, anyway) in many people, and i try to avoid it. for more on this, read item fifty-four and item thirty-one, but it also has a more practical meaning. you're probably familiar with the expression "hearin gonly what you want to hear," and that's what this one is talking about. there's this one girl i know who has what it think to be a very screwed up mental process. i mean, she can think one thing, then absolutly unconsciously change her mind, and not even realize she once thought a different way. she also does things like, for instance, we'll decide to go somewhere, and we'll agree on where to meet. on the way there, though, she can very easily convince herself that we agreed on a different place, and will go there instead- with this other place invairably being some place she wanted to go. it scares the crap out of me that she is able to talk herself into things like this, without even knowing it. another thing she does is, once in awihle, she'll get an idea about something she wants, regardless of how improbable it is for her to have it. this will become th emost important thing in her life, and she'll obsess over getting it. as she tires, though, and finds that she can' tget it, she'llstart inventing reasons why she doesn't want it, why she shouldn't have it, and way she wants something else now; and never conscoiusly realize what she's doing, to the extent that when she's done, if you tell her that she once wanted to first thing, she won't believe you. the reason for this, i guess, is that she just basically sees what she wants to see, and has much difficulty in admiting she's wrong, or that she can't have everything she wants. it bothers me, too, because there's just no reason for it. things are, and that's just the way it is. she, however, would rather force things to be the way she wants tham instead of accepting things for what they are. not that i'm saying you should never try to change things, but there are some things that just don't change. if the firewood is wet, it's not going to burn, no matter how much you expect it to.
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