another useless website - my homepage

my psychotic and dillusional theories on life, the universe and everything
stupid stories i've written
my tribute to franz kafka
humor stuff - jokes, animation, and stuff
links to sites i've found worthwhile
  steve wants to show you his butt, too take a look at stinky's butt the "butt" page  
"the ministry of the posterior"

the sole reason behind this page is because, during a period of about two weeks once, i received from various friends about ten attachments to email messages, all relating to or having to do with all-things anal. so, not wanting to let such an opportunity go to waste, here they are, along with some other butt-related items, all assembled into a nice little tribute to the posterior.

| images files | animated images | movies, .txt's, and other stuff |

see also:
an actual, serious "butt" page, complete with x-rays, many files below come from there

flat images
  • golf course hazard- have to play the shot where it lies- that's the rule. ouch.
  • anyone you know?- a picture of the way a lot of us view our co-workers.
  • asian water skiing- ever wondered what asian people do in the rice patties for fun?
  • so that's how- finally, an answer to the age-old question; do bears do it in the woods?
  • new work area- a proposal to make office work areas more efficent.
  • easter eggs origins- all these years i wondered about the connection between easter eggs and the easter bunny.
  • country roadsign- if you see this sign while driving, i suggest going back the way you came.
  • the leprechaun- a .gif showing what you might find instead of a pot of gold.
  • a deathwish- a .gif image of a small dog with a lot of courage.
  • the ninteenth hole- a .gif image of the most treacherous hole on the golf course.
  • save the whales- thar she blows, with a rump like a snow hill...
  • the butts of the rugburns- one of my favorite bands, the rugburns, took this picture while they were touring a few years ago.
  • ass-suction- someone said it serves this guy right for putting himself in that position in the first place.
  • santa's "naughty" list- this is what happens to bad boys and girls at christmas time.
  • the outhouse- some people profess the wisdom of the pyramidal management structure, but this is about what it amounts to in the end.
  • no bull- the international symbol for "bullshit is not accepted here."
  • safe sex- da-dum-tish. i'm still looking for the "phone sex" version.

animated images

movies and other things
  • beach-fall (.mpg file, 1,193KB)- this one looks kind of staged, but you never know. and man, i'm clumsy, but this would never happen to me.
  • fart fire (.mpe file, 535KB)- i'm sure a lot of yo uhave at least thought about trying this before... but this is the most successful attempt i've ever seen.
  • the catcher (.avi file, 1,522KB)- be warned: this is pretty repulsive, but a nice catch. similar to the beerpoop one below.
  • hershy's kisses (.avi file, 78KB)- ever wonder how they make hershy kisses....
  • lighting farts (.avi file, 197KB)- you've probably at least heard about people lighting farts, if you haven't done it yourself- here's why not to do it.
  • modern art (.avi file, 219KB)- a lot of older people have been saying for years that modern art looks like crap. here's how it gets that "look."
  • elephant lunch (.avi file, 380KB)- here's an excerpt from a pbs documentary on the nutritional habits of elephants on the african savhana.
  • saddam's hiding place (.zip file, 156KB)- this is a little movie about the last place un weapons inspectors would think to look for iraq's illegal arms. (unzip it, then run the saddam.exe)
  • monkeyshines (.mpg file, 1,444KB)- this is a film of a monkey who sticks his finger where the sun doesn't shine- and hilariously finds out way the nose is not on that part of the body.
  • ascii "moonwar" (.txt file, 2KB)- this was an email message i got, of someone mooning you, using only ascii characters, which you're supposed to send to everyone you know to start a "moon" war. i would ask you not to do this. (more ascii art).
  • the horse (.avi movie, 362KB)- ever wonder what the inside of a horse's butt looks like? well, ask this guy.
  • the diet (.avi movie, 153KB)- the crash diet that will hopefully end all of this crash diet crap (da-dum-tish). by the way, it takes a little while to start, so be patient.
  • push-push (.avi movie, 151KB)- back when you were young, before you were going a trip somewhere, did your parent's always make you go to the bathroom before you got in the car? and if you didn't have to go, did your mom tell you to "push?" well, i bet she never expected this to happen to you (or course, no one ever expects it to happen to them).
  • beerpoop (.avi movie, 1,005KB)- now this one... this one is most definatly not for the weak-stomach or anyone who is the least bit conservative. i am serious. i even wrote some thoughts on it back to the guy who sent it to me.
  • ascii butt (.txt file, 2KB)- a great big butt drawn using only ascii characters (more ascii art).
  • let it rip(.zip file, 3,413KB)- a big one, but well worth it. this is one of the funniest things i've seen in awhile, even if it is a commercial. man. unzip it to a temp directory, then run the file.
  • the buttcrack of dawn- if there ever was a girl named dawn with a big butt, here are some jokes about her.

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