So, like, once, a long time ago, there was this car, see. It was blue, and his name was Blue Car. He liked to drink gas a lot- as much as he could, in fact. At almost any time of the day, if you looked hard enough, you could find his blue self, sitting at a self-serve pump at some filling station here in town, guzzling away at the premium nozzle.
Most of the gas station owners tried to stop him from doing it, but they couldn't. After all, how do you stop a car? The only way to do that (without running around building brick walls all over the place) was to step on the break. And Blue Car wasn't about to let anyone inside of him. After all, would you? I know I don't want anyone opening up my side and trying to squeeze themselves in, only to turn, twist, and stomp on different parts of me.
I'm glad I'm not an average car, and Blue Car was, too. Because he wasn't an average car, which is pretty self-evident in the fact that he was self-aware. Now, this isn't to say that all cars aren't self-aware, but Blue Car was the self-awarest one of the bunch. Anyway, the gas station owners, after numerous futile efforts to stop him from haphazardly drinking away their inventories, simply let him go, and just asked that he didn't drink or eat with his mouth open. Blue Car was more than happy to agree to this, seeing as he didn't have a mouth anyway. So, all was going well for Blue Car. He was able to drive around to his heart's content, and also drink his favorite beverage with complete immunity from brick walls and internal intruders.
Until one day. You see, the day before this one day, Blue Car had pulled into the corner gas station to fill up his tank, and pulled into a spot right behind a '52 Rolls-Royce, which was just preparing to leave. Blue Car grabbed the nozzle, and had just punched the premium button, when, as the Rolls was pulling away, a lottery ticket was swept by the wind out of one of the half-open tinted windows in the rolls. Now, Blue Car as a pretty frugal guy, and would never ignore a free lottery ticket, so he finished his drink, picked up the ticket, tucked it under on of his wipers for safe keeping, and went on his merry way.
Then, on the next day, the day that was aforementioned as one day, Blue Car was sitting at still yet another gas station, when he click on his radio. This time he wasn't getting gas, but instead he was filling his tires up with air, so he was pulled off to the side of the building, over by the air pump.
This day was unusually hot, but the sun had started to set, and, being as close to the building as he was, Blue Car was lucky enough to be sitting in the shade. As he was sitting in the shade and filling his tires and listening to the radio, the DJ announced that he was going to play a song, and then be back after a commercial break to announce the winning lottery numbers. Just as anyone's would, Blue Car's interest suddenly perked up, and with absentminded care, he replaced the air hose, screwed back on the little caps that protect the end of his air valves, and thought about what he could do until the song was over.
As it was, the DJ had chosen to play a request for the guys down at the cardboard box factory, which was Guns N' Roses' November Rain. Annoyed at the cardboard factory's guys taste in music, Blue Car began to turn right out of the gas station to head down to the car wash. However, he was still thinking about how bad Guns N' Roses were when he started thinking about the lottery again, which, incidentally, occurred at the same moment Blue Car turned right out of the gas station, and was hit by a big cement mixer from carter lumber, whose driver also happened to be thinking about how much he disliked Guns N' Roses.
The cement mixer never braked one bit, but was slowed considerably when he slammed into the side of Blue Car. The noise that Blue Car made as both halves of him eventually came to rest (one inside the gas station's garage, and one on top of the hood of the Smith family's station wagon, which was parked at the Denny's next door to the gas station), was all but muffled by the scream that came out of the school bus the cement mixer rammed into after bouncing off the Blue Car, which it sent sailing into the metal support poles for the gas station's sign.
A few minutes later, the DJ announced that the winning lottery numbers were 7, 24, 34, 38, 40, and 48.
