By now, almost everyone must have heard of global warming. Even though scientists cannot agree on its occurrence, importance, or effects, I can tell you one about it thing for sure- global warming is making me go bald.
No, really, I'm serious. Check this out- in theory, global warming means that the overall temperature on this planet is rising. It's happening slowly, though, so the year-to-year rise isn't really perceptible to us. It's there, though, and I'm proof. And it might not just be me, either, but I just use myself as an example because I know my own history well, and it's easier for me to detect changes over time in myself. And what I've noticed recently, is that I'm losing my hair. Not all my hair, you see, just the bit from right on the top of my head, where your colic is supposed to be. My facial hair is still growing annoying fast (causing me to have to shave everyday, which sucks), my arm hair, leg hair- it's all there, unhindered, except for the hair on my head.
Now, most people also know that something like ninety percent of a person's body heat is lost off the top of the head. Logically, this is due to the fact that heat rises, and is the reason my mom always made me wear stocking hats to school in the winter, even though it would make my head sweat, causing my hair to be screwed up by the time I got to school; which in turn caused me not to have a date until long into my high school years. Anyway, ninety percent of the body's heat leaves the body through the head (there are also theories as to how the other ten percent escapes, with the most promising being that the ten percent is split between the mouth and the anus, and that it varies by person. my friend Chris, for instance, probably loses a good six or seven percent of that other ten though his habitual farting, leaving the other three or four percent escaping through his daily speech. my friend Erin, on the other hand, seems to be endlessly full of hot air, and probably releases the vast majority of it in her ceaseless jabberings-on; however, the amount that escapes from her, um, elsewhere, is indeterminate. she's a girl, after all.), and that's why we've got so much hair up there- to trap the heat and keep us warm. Makes sense, and that principle holds true for everyone.
However, the reason I feel more personally affected by global warming is due to my innate intolerance of warmer temperatures. See, ever since I was a kid, I've always like the cold much better, as hot weather makes me uncomfortable. Not to be too graphic, but I tend to perspire in warmer weather more that the average person, it seems to me. This, I've surmised, is just my body trying to cool itself off. Which makes sense- I'm more acclimated to cooler temperatures, so when I'm in a hot area, my body takes countermeasures to bring itself comfort. I've also been told that I sweat a lot because I played a lot of sports when I was young- and from all that running around I did when I was younger, my body just got used to cooling itself off through perspiration, so I could keep playing. Anyway, the point is, when it's warm, I sweat. Which means, as the global temperature rises due to global warming, I will be sweating more and more to keep my body cool, right?
Well, that's not entirely the case. See, I do still sweat, but my body has also found another way to keep itself cool. With all the heat escaping though my head, the body is glad to see it go, and in fact looking for ways to expedite the process. However, one factor that slows down cranial heat loss is hair. Hair's natural function is, of course, to help insulate the body, and keep heat in- which is why we've got so much on our heads. My body, though, is looking to get rid of heat, not hold it in, so the natural solution to my body's dilemma is to drop off some of that hair. See? That way, more heat can leave through my head, thus keeping me at a constantly cooler temperature.
But, as global warming continues to make earth's climate warmer, I'm getting balder and balder to compensate. What a bunch of crap.
